No baby. No problem. (Rantvegas)
Posted on June 18, 2008 - Filed Under Uncategorized
Since when did everyone get so judgmental when it comes to the decision to NOT have kids?
I remember high school when girls would get pregnant and all the whispers in the hall would turn towards her belly, her relationship with the father or supposed father, her due date, her promiscuity, whether or not she would finish school. Two years out of CBNA and now everyone wants to have children.
Laura Woods is due in October. Colin King’s twins are due shortly after. Jess Goralski is due in the late fall I believe. Nicole Goodwin (soon to be Renelick!) is pregnant, but I forget her due date. And those are only the ones I know of. Not to mention all who have already given birth.
Don’t get me wrong. If you want to have children, if that’s a dream of yours, that’s wonderful. I know so many people who have been made so much happier after having children and so many people for whom kids are in the future, and who are excited for that future.
But when the nurse at Planned Parenthood is taken aback when I tell her I never plan on having children, it seems like something is wrong.
It’s true. I don’t want to be a mother.
I’ve heard that I’ll change my mind as I get older and my “biological clock” starts ticking. I’ve heard that it’s selfish of me to not want kids. I’ve been greeted with embarrassed silence, or been told that I would make a wonderful mother and that everyone has doubts about their parenting skills.
It’s not that. Really, it isn’t.
When I get older, I plan on writing for a living and I don’t want to work around children in the house. It’s hard enough for me to work around a spouse! Whenever I get interrupted during a train of thought, it’s like someone slapped me. I take it personally and sometimes lash out. Shame on me, but, knowing this about myself, I don’t want to subject a child to that. Also, Andrew’s line of work could take us anywhere, and we could be moving often, also not good for a child.
And I don’t think parenting skills have anything to do with it. Looking at my parents, looking at many parents out there shows that being a potential good parent has nothing to do with whether or not people have kids. I have friends who are abused, physically and emotionally, neglected, and unwanted. Maybe I would be a good parent, but any doubts I have about this statement (short temper, lack of mothering instincts, lack of patience, etc.) aren’t what’s keeping me from offspring.
The closest thing to it would be selfishness, but I don’t see it that way. I want to be able to travel, to not be tied down to a specific location for anything. I want to go out whenever I want, do whatever I want, see the world. I want to drink whenever I want and however much I want. I don’t want to be responsible if I don’t want to be. I want to make mistakes. In short, I only want to think about myself and my own needs.
Maybe that’s selfish, maybe not.
In my opinion, I only get one life and I want to live it to the fullest. I’m sure everyone feels that way. For some, living to the fullest includes children. For me, it doesn’t. I don’t want to be strapped to a family. It’s surprising enough to me that I’ve already found a husband and I’m limiting my ties to him and him only (friends don’t count because friends can span distances like nuclear family cannot).
Basically I’m sick of being judged for a choice that isn’t harming anyone, that isn’t even wrong. Maybe I’ll change my mind later, and then you can say “told you so,” but for now, consider my womb empty.
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